Reflection
Have you ever messed up something small and thought, “How did I make that silly mistake?” Maybe you sent the wrong text, burned dinner, or forgot something basic, then replayed it in your head.
Most of us learned early that we can improve. Learning to ride a bike, swim, or drive taught us to fall, get back up, and try again. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us lose that simple faith in ourselves. We start to believe we are stuck as we are, that we can’t really grow or learn.
Confidence
For many years, I wanted to write, but I never saw myself as “a writer.” My closest friends and family kept telling me otherwise. Recently, I rediscovered my love for reading and writing ideas, not just for school but for myself. I postponed college for years. Finally, I went back. I faced what felt like the ultimate test: English 1 and 2.
To my surprise, writing and submitting essays came naturally. The feedback I received encouraged me. It showed me I was more capable than I believed. I started to accept that I am a writer after all.
Encouragement
A few words of encouragement can be amazing. When given at the right time, they can offer someone with the spark they need to keep going.
You are wondering what this has to do with a growth mindset. The truth is, it is one of several examples.
Mindset
Before I share the rest, I want to explain what I mean by “mindset.”
There is a simple idea people often talk about: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
- A fixed mindset sounds like, “This is just who I am. I am bad at this. I will always be this way.”
- A growth mindset sounds more like, “I am not good at this yet, but I can learn. I can get better with effort and time.”
Most of us have a mix of both, depending on the area of life. You are very open to learning in one area and completely closed off in another.
If some of this feels familiar, you are not alone. You can shift your mindset, even a little, and you already be doing that without realizing it.
Identity
Now that the idea is clear, here is how it showed up for me.
For a long time, I did not believe I was a writer. That belief came from my own reasons and old stories I held onto. It fits a fixed mindset. I told myself, “I am just not that type of person.”
The truth is, I had the power to change that story. Once I tried, the “fixed” label started to loosen. I went back to college. I took English. I got feedback. Building this site are all proof that I move toward something I once thought was impossible.
“So many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.”
Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth
Self doubt, that inner critic, can be one of our worst enemies. You can start growing into the person you want to be. The moment you decide to face that voice instead of obeying it, you start your transformation.
Reading
Well into my thirties, I did not want to read anything. I was the person who hated reading. I wanted the summary, the short version, the bullet points. That worked for a while, but it didn’t help me read between the lines. Those lines shaped the outlook of a world I never knew existed. The magical world of a book and the weight the words carry.
What I did not see then was how much I was missing. There is a lot of power “between the lines.” Whole worlds and ideas were there, and I was passing them up because I had decided reading was boring. English was not my favorite topic. Literature did not appeal to me. My grades reflected that, usually C’s and D’s.
Things started to change when I let go of the idea that “I am just not a reader.” I gave myself a chance to be more than that old story. I always wanted to be that person in the coffee shop, airport, or library, quietly reading. I thought it was cool, but out of reach.
Now, I am that person, and more. That shift in identity shows a growth mindset at work. It changes from “I am not a reader” to “I am learning to enjoy reading.”
“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within”
Maya Angelou
Resilience
Now you know I am in my thirties. I did not shine in school while growing up. I am now in college. For a long time, I did not believe I was “a college person.” I thought being a less than perfect student meant I did not belong there.
What pushed me to change was my wife. She went to college to better herself and achieve her personal goals. Watching someone you love go for it can wake something up in you. That is what happened to me.
I felt a drive I did not know I had. It was a quiet but strong wish to prove to myself that I can do it. There was also healthy competition. If she can do it, maybe I can, too.
I am grateful for the lessons, the challenges, and the people who believed in me along the way. But at the end of the day, you have to want it. You have to be willing to see the lessons instead of only the setbacks. You have to accept feedback, both from yourself and from others, without letting it crush you.
Stand up. Dust yourself off. Keep going. Enjoy the process. The results are the fruit of that effort.
“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Beginning
Is there an exact set of steps to follow? There isn’t a perfect guide. Only you can find what works for you.
For me, it started with allowing myself to be a beginner at everything I do. From that place, I am a learner. That means I am allowed to ask questions. I can ask anyone and anything. We live in the information age, and resources are everywhere. The only one who can truly decide to stop is you.
I know that sounds a little “self help,” but there is nothing wrong with getting help. Most of what I read now is in that category. I want to understand myself better and see what feels true for me. I take what fits, leave what does not, and shape my own version of success.
You can do the same. Start where you are. Take what is useful. Move at your own pace. The first step is the willingness to take that first small step.
Connection
This will be one of many posts I write about growth mindset, each focused on a different part of life. They come from my point of view and what I have learned so far. I hope some part of it meets you where you are.
If you found something helpful here, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
This post was influenced by the idea of fixed and growth mindsets, first popularized by psychologist Carol S. Dweck.
A special thank you to my wife, Logan, who has supported through my journey and road to success.
